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    Friday, May 30, 2003

    Four More Things That Rule

    1). The Adult Swim Lineup on the Cartoon Network. I was a militant viewer of the Sunday night lineup of original shows last year, last semester in L.A., and this year until I had to move back to school and lost access to cable. I loved it then, but I really have to say that all the shows have gotten much sharper lately. Hell, even the interstitials are hysterical. What really puts it over the top on the newly-minted awesomeomoter, however, are the new weeknight programs I've just started watching. Not only do I get a healthy dose of the oft-brilliant Futurama and slightly-derivitive-but-still-really-funny Family Guy Monday through Thursday, but I also get to watch some quality anime for the first time, really -- Lupin III, InuYasha, and Cowboy Bebop all have me trapped in my basement until 2 in the morning, after which I'll either go to bed or stay up if the Powerpuff Girls is running an episode I haven't seen before. To summarize, I love you, Cartoon Network.

    2). My grandparents, who have recently given my German heritage a huge shot in the arm with their graduation gifts: A beautiful set of wine and cordial glasses from Tyrol and an honest German top hat, worn by my great-grandfather in the 1890s. That's right ... a freaking 100 year old top hat that still looks brand-new. You think about that.

    3). The protests in Los Angeles and elsewhere against the new push to further deregulate and consolidate radio stations and other media. This is wonderful, because holy crap radio sucks ass now. Here in Connecticut it's absolutley awful. The only station I can bear to listen to is the University of Hartford's station. Although it's got some great shows, since it's a college radio station, they also have some really terrible shows, too ... and you really have to try to pick up their signal once you get south of Meriden. The one classic rock station I used to like here (because they used to play the Cars and Talking Heads mixed in with old Stones and the Kinks) has since crapsized, becoming as bland and indistinguishable as the other stations in this hell-hole.

    4). The word "crapsized" that I just made up. Let the word "crapsize" be henceforth defined as a verb, "to become crappy." So it is written, so it shall be done.
    posted at 8:17 AM

    Wednesday, May 28, 2003

    A New and Wonderful Entry

    Man, what a long and eventful weekend.

    Friday, I trekked up to Boston to pick up Bubbles, and also had a nice visit with Crash, Christinia, and the delicious Spike's hot dog restaraunt in Allston (veggie dogs are an aquired taste, I'll admit, but I think they're freakin' delicious). Sunday, Bubbles and I took a long drive to New York State to see Hemlock get married to Brooke.

    The wedding itself was a whole lot of fun. We got to see Melissa, Hemlock and Captain's old roommate Dan, and meet all of Hemlock's friends from ToyFare magazine, who were very nice and quite funny. Table 7 forever, man. Where all the nerds are. The ceremony was very nice, incorporating both Jewish and Christian traditions into the proceedings. This was great because I was really excited to see the "stomping on the glass" thing and the "hoisting the bride and groom up in chairs and dancing around" thing. I did, and they ruled.

    And of course, Captain, Hemlock's Best Man, was in rare form. The highlight Captain Moment (and believe me, there were a lot to choose from -- that guy's hysterical), occured thusly: The Boquet Toss had just occured, and a little 11 or 12-year-old girl caught the prize. Next, the ritual garter belt was tossed and, of course, Captain caught it. The girl looked terrified. Captain, sensing the extreme inappropriateness of the situation, quickly said, "My lawyer said I'm not allowed to do that anymore." Amazing.

    We bid fond farewells and drove back to Connecticut, where I got a good 3 or 4 hours of sleep before my graduation party. Probably 75 people were packed in my house to avoid torrential downpours, and Christinia took the bus in from Boston, and we had a great time all day. My grandparents got me these amazing crystal wine and cordial glasses from Germany, and I made a pretty decent sum of gift monies, too. Too bad I don't get to spend them on anything fun.


    Yep, I'm still getting ready to move on out to L.A. Now that everyone knows I'm heading out in July, if I don't, everyone will know that I've failed. So that should get me out the door pretty quick. If that doesn't, this lousy weather should. It's almost June and I still have to wear a fleece jacket when I go outside. What the hell is up with that?

    Also, Chris and Matt just got back from Europe and Sara has officially graduated from Wesleyan. I'm sure we'll be spending a lot of time together before that fateful month of July. I'm also planning on going back to Boston on June 3rd to bring my Aunt to Logan (she's moving back to California, too). She seems to think it's a Wednesday, but my calendar says June 3 is a Tuesday, so I'll have to check on that.

    Ummm ... stay tuned. And hey, does anyone know a good place to buy a car in California?
    posted at 1:25 PM

    Wednesday, May 21, 2003


    "Literally Frozen Stiff From Nothing Happening"

    So now, here I am. Sitting at home. Iíve got this diploma thing, no job, and a vague plan for moving to Los Angeles in July, and thatís about it.

    This weekend was pretty hectic, but fun all in all. The Blue Chip Award Ceremony, held in the luxurious ďCastleĒ on Bay State Road, was swank as all hell. I was walking around these ancient tapestries and intricate woodwork panels with my little glass of free cabernet sauvignon, hoping to be able to do the same later on in life. All the Blue Chip winners got little mini-bios of themselves read before they were honored, and I must say that mine was not only the funniest (hard to do in three sentences, I tell you), but my internship experience Ė which is something just about everyone had in their bios Ė definitely got the best audience ďohh!Ē reaction.

    The main Commencement activities were pretty lame, and dragged on hella-forever, but I did take some time out to loudly boo John Silber when he belittled television in his introduction for our guest speaker George Will, whose speech started out pretty interesting, then got really tangential really fast.

    The College of Communication graduation ceremony was much better. Our beloved Dean Baker slammed Silber in his farewell speech and got a standing ovation. And I got to stand up to be recognized three times before the main ceremony began Ė once for being a Teaching Assistant, once for winning the Blue Chip, and again for graduating Magna Cum Laude. As the names of all the graduates were read off one by one, and they climbed the platform to get their diploma folders, there were cheers all about. It definitely had a strange reunion feel to it that probably most of the bigger colleges at BU donít get very often. I got to see most of my friends after the COM ceremony, but then was quickly whisked away to pack up and move out of Boston.

    Since Iíve been home, Iíve been pretty stagnant, which is weird for me. Iím kind of stuck in this middle ground with really nowhere to go and nothing to do until July. Iíve got to con my parents into helping me get a car, start looking for Los Angeles sublets, and organize with my future roommates re: our planned mega-apartment in September. Special thanks go out to the wonderful Lee Nizani and Stu Chait, who offered to put me up for a bit when I first get into town. Good luck on your move, guys.

    Until then, Iíve been pretty much hanging out in my parentsí basement, playing SimCity and Zelda, watching cable (Cowboy Bebop fucking rules), and trying to find good beer around town. This weekend, Iím heading to New York with Bubbles for Hemlockís wedding, then coming back for a graduation party.

    Todayís my 22nd birthday, too. All of my friends are scattered across the country, still in school, or in Europe. So Iíll be spending it drinking and playing video games. Whatev. The next big celebration will be at 35, when Iím going to run for President. Even if thereís no Presidential race going on. Schreiner in 2016, baby!

    posted at 1:39 PM

    Wednesday, May 14, 2003

    Requisite Post-Finals Entry

    Why does it seem like I'm busier now that classes are done than I was when I was actually working? This week has flown by, and I'm definately falling behind in my "get in touch with so-and-so" department. Ugh.

    But, the good news is that I am totally done! I didn't get as good a grade as I thought I should get in my Advanced TV Writing class, but I went in and had a nice chat with the professor, and he gave me some more suggestions and offered to look at future drafts, which was quite nice of him and definately improved his status in my eyes quite a bit. I was worried about that grade's effect on my GPA, until I got my grades posted. Apparently, I totally destroyed that British history final I was complaining about earlier. I got a B- on the midterm and a B- on our one paper, but I somehow managed to get a B+ for my final grade, which was such an incredible and nice surprise. As a result, I will be graduating from the College of Communication with magna cum laude Latin honors. Slam!

    Other than that, not much, really, has been going on. I'm doing my best to see my underclassmen friends (read: slowkids) before they leave, burning CDs for people, and seeing how long I can go without shaving. It's 9 days now, and I'm thinking about trying a beard out, but not for graduation, and not for Hemlock's wedding next week, either.

    I really need someplace to stay in Los Angeles for the months of July - August. I found this site for sublets, but I think it's going to be expensive no matter where I live or who I live with. I found this one place described as "a charming beach house with beautiful sunsets." But on MapQuest, it was right next to the Los Angeles International Airport. Hmmm. Anyone willing to let me pay you to sleep on your couch for 8 weeks?

    Oh, and -- as promised -- here is the "Which Member of Fleetwood Mac Are You" quiz, written by me and Sara. It's hysterical if you know about Fleetwood Mac. Probably not very hysterical otherwise. But you should check it out, anyway, and post on your journals so our test can take over the internet.
    posted at 11:43 PM

    Monday, May 12, 2003

    Quick!

    If I owe you an email, you should be getting it in the next few days. I apologize.

    Classes done. Finally. Most of my room is packed up. Gonna miss a lot of people, but I'm ready to leave.

    Coming soon: "Which Member of Fleetwood Mac Are You?" quiz.
    posted at 3:56 PM

    Thursday, May 08, 2003

    No Fun With Academia

    All right. My final for my 20th Century Britain class is going to be terrible. And not even just "I'm a Senior so I don't want to take this" terrible, or just plain "pain in the ass" terrible. We're talking capital "T" Terrible -- the true Form of what a Terrible Final Exam can be. Let's go over why this is, shall we?

    First, it's worth 50% of my final grade "give or take," according to my masochistic professor. I don't have the syllibus anymore, but I seem to remember something about the final being worth 40%, seeing as we had a midterm and a ten page paper to do, as well.

    Second, the test, as my professor casually announced in our last class, will not cover everything past the midterm, as is also probably stated in the syllibus, but it reaches back to the year 1900, which is pretty much back to the third week of class, way back in January.

    Now, I know my memory isn't perfect, but I'm 99% sure that he made these changes recently. Because if I'd read over that syllibus the first day and saw a cumulative final, I'd have dropped that class so fast that I would have actually gone back in time. Then I could warn the past me before I signed up for the class, and I wouldn't have anything to worry about this week.

    The structure of the test itself is also Terrible. It's one "broad essay" dealing with "two chunks of time." This part is supposed to take a full hour to do. The second part is a 30 minute essay "focused on two of the four books we read." The third part is 30 minutes of short answers, which "must detail names, dates, events" and other minutia. What the fuck is that?!? It's like he took the worst parts of every possible kind of exam and put them all into one demonspawn form. And I'm not leaving any information out, here. He's seriously that vague, and he actually refuses to answer any further questions about the test.

    As far as facts go, when I sat down to try to pick out important information from my notes today, I started at about 7 and got finished at 2 in the morning. That's seven fucking hours -- seventy eight notecards FULL of information. Which begs the question, "IS THIS A FUCKING JOKE?!?!?!"

    Words cannot express how much hatred I feel toward this class and professor right now. But perhaps a quick middle finger, followed by a noisy session of notebook-tearing in the hallway after I'm done with the final could express that rage.

    So seriously, 11 AM, Saturday morning, I am going drinking. You should come. I'm probably going to Sunset to grab some beer, maybe back to my apartment for some more. And chances are, if you call me sometime on Saturday, I'm going to be drinking. I work around your schedules, people.

    I cannot wait for this bullshit to be over.
    posted at 11:09 PM

    Tuesday, May 06, 2003

    Fun With Academia

    If you're an American Studies / Semiotics / Media Studies Major, then you know how much fun it can be to come up with a clever, offbeat title for your clever, offbeat paper. My friend Shayna, for instance, just wrote a paper on the blurred lines of reality and role playing in The Sims Online called "Suburban Commandos," referencing the delightful Hulk Hogan movie of the same name.

    So today, while writing my tediously-researched paper on the contradictory nature of Saint Bernard of Clairvaux's private letters and his public sermons, I came up with the greatest title for a paper ever. Unfortunately, it was not for mine, and can only be used if you're writing a paper on ancient Babylonian or Mesopotamian love poems. It's -- get this -- "I Love A Man In Cuneiform."

    You can tell how unbelievably bored I was when I came up with it because it seriously kept me chuckling to myself for 20 minutes. If you are ever unfortunate enough to have to write a paper on such a subject, feel free to use my title. But please reference me in your footnotes.

    And by the way, how great are footnotes? People talk and talk about changing spacing or font sizes to try to take up extra space for long paper assignments, but man, I tell ya -- nothing works quite so well as footnotes. If you need some extra room, just keep quoting things from the same page, and use the old trick of "Ibid" at the bottom there. Each time, it's like another whole line of space you don't have to fill!

    As I was typing that last sentence, I almost wrote "a whole nother" instead of "another whole." Then I realized that I say "a whole nother" a lot. "Nother" is not a word, is it? Well, dictionary.com says it is, but it's informal slang. Hmm. Well, I learned something today that was not about a medieval saint. At least I got that going for me.
    posted at 6:17 PM

    Friday, May 02, 2003

    There Is Something...

    ... about walking through Boston on a cool, misty night, listening to Tom Waits on headphones. I don't know what it is, but it sure is nice.

    Last night, I finally made it to Our House with Christinia and Aimee, where we met up with Shayna, Quinne and Dov and had a grand olde time to commemorate our last day of classes ever.

    This morning, we had our "Senior Breakfast," with fairly lame eggs, but delicious chocolate croissants. We also found out George Will will be our Commencement Speaker. And, although I disagree with his viewpoints a lot, I find him to be very articulate and often pretty funny ... also, it's a vast improvement on last year's speaker -- the now defunct Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences.

    So the breakfast was going pretty well this morning. Evil Chancellor John Silber took the podium and spoke for a bit, and at first, he was making fun of himself, showing not only a fairly well-delevloped sense of humor, but also putting a more friendly face to the evil visage we students generally hear about. Then, he spent 10 minutes attacking the Daily Free Press and students before saying "And now, for a moment, I'd like to get serious." Then he spent 25 minutes detailing American wars and efforts against terrorism, which I found to be boring, inappropriate and borderline offensive. The same man who waxed ad nauseum about the "generation-defining moment" of September 11th was also the same man who refused to cancel classes on that day, saying -- rather insensitively -- that the best way to show our strength was by continuing business as usual. And this was right before he spent a good five minutes talking about all of our mortality, and how we could basically be killed without warning at any moment.

    After whispering to Shayna "Woo! Graduation!" during this depressing monologue, I almost got up and walked out. But then, he thankfully and abruptly stepped down, and we were free to finish our breakfasts in peace.

    Oh, our senior gifts? A rather nice-looking leather B.U. folio and a hardcover coffee of Silber's book "Straight Shooting," which wins the Casey Schreiner Award for Best Subtitle In The History Of Man with "What's Wrong With America And How To Fix It."

    What an ass.

    The rest of the day was very nice. Lunch at the B.U. Pub, dinner with Mr. Colin Felth, running into some random SlowKids in Warren Towers and frequent-Trounced-poster Meredith ... even though I didn't really get to talk to her for long. Then Londoner J-Hal dropped in for a surprise visit, and we spent a good time at Sunset Cantina across the street.

    Now, I'm back in my room, updating this thing instead of reading about Saints again, which I will hopefully resume momentarily. Tomorrow, I get to look forward to spending some time at the Boston Public Library and seeing indie pop gods Of Montreal in concert at the Middle East Club upstairs. Should be good.

    I'm trying to balance the joys of graduation with what is possibly the worst finals schedule I've had since coming to B.U. as a Freshman. On Friday, my 20 page research paper is due, and then on Saturday ... yes, SATURDAY morning, I have a terrible 2 hour history final. What the hell? Don't you people know I need to find an apartment?
    posted at 8:27 PM

    Thursday, May 01, 2003

    And Now, Some Tests

    An important element of any blog, I have neglected posting test results for too long. Here are two tests I stole from other people because I thought they were pretty funny.

    The Low-Fidelity All-Star: he was born with the cool, and it's totally natural.  He runs the gamut from Hipster Supreme (only they can ingest as much coffee as he) to the geeky hipster%
    You are the Low-Fidelity All-Star. You were born
    with your cool, and it's totally natural. You
    run the gamut from Hipster Supreme (only they
    can ingest as much coffee as you) to the geeky
    hipster (Mario Kart, anyone?).


    What Kind of Hipster Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
    Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
    LevelScore
    Purgatory (Repenting Believers)High
    Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)High
    Level 2 (Lustful)Low
    Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
    Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
    Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Moderate
    Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
    Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
    Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
    Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

    Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

    posted at 10:13 AM

    Current Happenings

    OK. Again, long time, no update. I'm lame. Or COOL, for doing stuff outside of updating a blog!

    No, I'm lame.

    First off, the SlowKids show went extremely well. I'm very happy with the way the group is running, and I think the group will have no problem with continued success after I leave. I've got more to say on this, but it's for the SlowKids, and not here. But, I would like to take this time to thank all the people who took the time to come out and see my last show. You have no idea how great I felt to look out into the audience and see all those supportive, laughing faces. Mad special props go out to The Captain and Hemlock, who drove a long, long time to come see the show and hang out with us; Heather, who climbed out from beneath her UMASS doctorate of anthropology studies to trek into the city; and all of my students who showed up to watch their TA make an ass of himself on stage.

    If you didn't come, I'd say I hate you, but I probably don't. You did, however, miss a great show. And my last show. And that should make you feel bad enough.

    Over the last few days, a few friends and I have ritually gathered to watch "Manor House," an excellent PBS reality show that recreated an Edwardian country manor, complete with an aristocratic family and a team of downstairs servants. It was amazing, and the editors have great senses of humor. If you get the chance, you really should try to catch re-runs over the summer.

    For the last episode, Bubbles and I threw a little Manor House party, with our signature spinach & artichoke lasagna, salad, garlic bread, some ice cream, and a bottle of 1999 Benzinger Family Winery Estate Pinot Noir, all of which were excellent. Good times had by all.

    INSERT TRANSITION HERE.

    A few days ago, I was sitting in the GSU, reading some scripts for my TA job, when I heard some girl start yelling, "i love the GSU!"

    I looked up, to see this flighty-looking semi-hippie girl standing in the middle of the union, still shouting, "It's such a great day today, and I just want to say I love the GSU! Come on, guys? Isn't this a great union building?"

    Then, some guy near me stood up and yelled, "yeah! I love the GSU! Every time I look at that clock, I think I'm in London!"

    Others followed.

    "I love the free water in the GSU!"

    "I love the free hard rolls you can get!"

    "Those rolls aren't free!"

    "Oh."

    Then I heard, "I love the bathrooms here!" I looked over, and saw a familiar personage standing on top of a table, shouting about how great the sanitary facilities were. It was my old high-school music/drama/comedy chum Colin Felth, who I probably hadn't seen in about a year. So after people stopped yelling about things, I wandered over and talked to him for a good 20 minutes, just catching, up, etc., and now he's gonna treat me to a free Warren Towers dining hall dinner on Friday. Sweeeet!

    And now ... back to work. Or not.
    posted at 10:03 AM