"Are you ready ... to crucify animals?!?"

-My suite-mate Andy. I still have no idea what this is about, but he said it.

"I remember frolicking along in the laundry room being warmed by the dryers and enwrapped in the fuzzy smell of lint, all while leisurely pursuing my studies and writing a thing or two. You have to really grab that job and make the least of it, you know?"

-Matt on how one should behave at a work-study job.

"The moral of this story is ... if you gay friend say he love you ... DON'T PUNCH! ... Say thank you."

-Margaret Cho, recalling her mother's 'gay story' about her dad.

"I'm just upset because I haven't gotten one on yet. And I'm very funny ... and attractive, too."

-Sara, complaining that she hasn't gotten a quote on my website yet.

"Look at this hole. A mosquito the size of my foot could just fly in here, drill a hole in your head and suck out your brain!"

-Me, pointing out a large hole in the tent my friends and I were staying in. This tent would later be filled with hundreds of hungry mosquitos, which caused us to abandon camp because neither me nor my friends are capable of surviving in the wilderness.

"Why don't YOU do this so I can go get a soda. Then we can both be productive."

-My friend Chris, yelling at his grandmother for looking over his shoulder while he was attempting to do some physical labor.

"You know, Art, you are so clever. You are so clever that I ... that I just have to go outside."

-My co-worker Tesha, sassing out the head techie, Art.

"I thought that rug would provide comfort and stability, but in the end, all it offered was danger."

-Me, after slipping on a rug I was standing on and nearly falling to the cold, unforgiving floor.