"I Know What I Did This Summer"

    Well, here it is, at 11:00 the night before I leave to go back to college.  I'm probably not done packing.  I'm kind of tired.  And what am I doing?  Updating my website.  Man, I am such a nerd.  Anyway, I'm taking this time to look back upon the "Summer Of 2000."  Call it the Summer Of Love if you want, but I'm certainly not doing that.  Well, let's have a run down of interesting things that made this Summer a summer to remember, shall we?

      1. I Caught Counterfeiters:  While still working at Subway early on in the summer, my friend Amy and I were serving nasty customers. A "suspicious-looking" young gentleman kept asking Amy for change, which I didn't think was strange, except for the fact that he kept asking, and didn't seem to care what bills he got in exchange for his vast supply of ten dollar bills. After I made a sandwich for the gentleman's friend, he also paid with a ten dollar bill. When he handed it to me, my paranoia kicked into heavy overdrive as I noted that the money felt a little bit more paper-ish than most money. "It's counterfeit!" I yelled in my head. When the man asked for more change, I told him we didn't have enough bills. After the man left, I turned to Amy and said, "Amy, I have to make a phone call."

     "Why?" she asked.

     "Because this money is counterfeit." A stunned silence gripped the small-town Subway store as I held up the four counterfeit ten dollar bills as I dialed the police station. A small group of concerned and excited Subway customers (nothing like this ever happens in this town) ran outside to get their car's licence plate and watched as it foolishly drove across the street to get air for its front tires.

     I hung up the phone and the Berlin Police Department swung into swift action, apprehending the ne'er-do-wells and bringing them back to the precinct, or "Downtown" as television police dramas like to call it. A little while later, we got a phone call at Subway from the police department, and the dispatcher informed me that an officer was coming to pick Amy and me up and take us to the police department for identification and questioning.  We took a bite out of crime that day.

     2. I Traded In Collars:  A little later on, I ditched Subway, leaving behind my blue (or rather, purple) collar to pick up a white one working for The Spear Report.  I loved this job, and this job loved me.  I brought in more money per hour than anyone else in that whole company.  I'm awesome.  I can get people to buy things from me.  I also came in contact with many interesting people...

     3. I Passed Out Twice:  This summer, I passed out more than I've ever passed out before in my life.  Twice.  Well, since I've never passed out before, that makes it somewhat more and somewhat less important.  You decide.  The first time, was the result of taking prescription ibuprofin without food, which I'm not very proud of.  I hurt my back playing with my little sister (I'm also not very proud of that), and my friend Matt gave me some prescription ibuprofin he had because my back was hurtin' really bad when I was over his house.  Anyway, when I got home that night, I was going to go down to the basement, where I sleep, for sleep.  Unfortunately, I broke out into a cold sweat in my kitchen and had to lay down on the floor.  To make matters worse, I was talking to my dad when this happened.  The conversation went a little like this:

Dad: Hey, Casey.  Where'd you go tonight?

Me: I just went over ... (slumps against refrigerator and falls on floor)

Well, after that little adventure, I drank some water and went to sleep.  No problem.  I had to call in sick the next day, though, because I was still very groggy and in quite a bit of pain.  I explained to my manager that I was incapacitated by a nine year old girl and some ibuprofin.  She thought it was pretty funny.  This is why I sent out a very detailed, very funny email to a bunch of my friends entitled, "I Am The Weakest Person You Know."  Unfortunately, I deleted that email.

     4. I Had The Best British Birthday:  I wish I was English.  Oh man, do I wish I was English.  As anyone who's met me can tell you, I love everything about the English.  I love their accents, their television "programmes," they way they say "advertisement," the way they spell things with s's instead of c's, their flag, their history, their writers, and their tea.  Oh, God, do I love their tea.  Unfortunately, I have no English ancestry at all.  None.  The closest I get is Ireland, which isn't that far away, but again, isn't England.  And, to make it worse, a good portion of my friends have English ancestry, lucky bastards.  

     Well, this year, my friends Sara and Chris organized a very elaborate belated birthday celebration.  We drove for 40 minutes to a gorgeous town on the Connecticut shoreline called Madison, where we entered "The British Shoppe."  Shangri-La!  Here, I was awarded with teas, scones, a new teapot, and some delicious Cadbury candies.  Then we found a silly 20's radio station for the drive on the way home, and stuck our hands out the windows on the highway when it was raining.

     5. I Made This Website:  ...which I'll probably regret once I get to school and it takes over my life.  But hey, what would you be doing now if it weren't for me?  Probably something productive, like I should be doing right now...

     6. I Got Around:  Maybe it's because I really don't like this town that much.  I went to Boston twice, Cape Cod, and Chicago.  The most travel in a single summer EVER.  Plus, I got to see what life was like in the Central Time Zone.  All those freaks got our East Coast shows an hour earlier than we do.  Well, whatever.  I LIKE staying up until 12:30 for Conan, thank you very much.  We don't need him aired at 11:30 like you midwest pansies.  God.

    7.  I Took A Tour:  Of our illustrious town.  For investigative purposes.

    8. I Read A Lot:  Oh man, did I read a lot.  One example: On Alex's suggestion, I decided to read the Harry Potter collection.  I read the entire four book set in just about a week, finishing the 700+ page fourth book in two days.  I wish I could read that much schoolwork.  Very good, though.  I also recommend the Clue mystery collection, probably available in the Young Adult section of your library.  Not very symbolic, but it's a bunch of deceitful, backstabbing, greedy people trying to kill each-other, and nothing could be funnier than that.

    9. My Car Was Attacked By Idealists:  This summer, as a joke, I got a bumper sticker that says "Fight Communism!" from the 1970's.  Of course, I put it on my car.  This note was left on my windshield one day: as you can see, the person who wrote it clearly could not understand the concept of tongue-in-cheek humor.  While this has gotten me into trouble in the past, I was surprised at this particular person, especially because he was apparently also a They Might Be Giants fan.  Fortunately, as I was going back into my car, the two people who left the note were returning to their red pickup truck.

    These people were die-hard idealists.  You can just tell.  Now, I have a streak of idealism every once in a while, but for the most part, I'm pretty tolerant.  These people just gave off an aura of neo-hippiedom.

    Plus, there was garlic hanging from their car.  I uncharacteristically confronted them.

    "Did you leave this on my car?" I asked.

     "Oh yeah," said the man, a young fellow with a short brown beard.  He was wearing a Yale T shirt with hemp pants and sandals.  

    "It's just a joke," I said.

    The man immediately glared at the woman.  "See?  I *told* you."  He looked back at me.  "That's what I thought as soon as I saw the TMBG sticker.  The first thing you know about someone when they've got a TMBG bumper sticker is they have a good sense of humor."

    "Well, thank you.   Plus, I don't think I'd like the band that much if I really hated communists."  (Nerdy in-reference to the song "The Bells Are Ringing," which is, in my opinion, about socialism).  Well, we got it cleared up, and we both went away happy.  I did not mention that "FIGHT COMMUNISM" makes a much better bumper sticker than "Stop Trade With The Elitist Capitalists Who Steal The World's Resources And Impoverish The Masses."

I actually did a little more this summer, but it's really late right now, and I'm tired, so...

10. I Went To Bed.